It's Not That Hard (Part One)

Babies and seminary, what could go wrong? 

For this two part blog I will begin with a personal essay I wrote last fall. When I say personal, I mean I typed this on my computer after a particularly frustrating day, hid it in a folder on my laptop, and never let anyone read it but me. 

Sometimes it just helps to get the feelings and words off my chest.

Well, today I was digging around my files and stumbled upon this personal essay. As I read through these words, I felt the frustration and loneliness bubble up and become just as tangible as it was then. But it's encouraging to read where I was a year ago and see everything that has happened since.

And so I am sharing these words with the world not to be an angry feminist, but to show what happens when women step into a "man's world" and demands a seat at the table (more on that in part two).

So without further adieu, I give you It's Not That Hard, written by Allison Lee in the Fall of 2017.

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Being a new mom is hard. 

Being a woman at an evangelical seminary is discouraging. 

Being a new mom at an evangelical seminary is hard and discouraging. 

I am three weeks into my first semester as a new mom and I am already experiencing the harsh realities that I and my daughter will now face.

Due to unforeseen childcare hurdles, Junia has needed to tag along with me to campus a number of times already, and the welcome has been far from warm. While a handful of people (namely professors) has welcomed her, many of my peers have not. How naive I was to think I could shelter her from such discrimination! She is only five-months-old and has already experienced discrimination because of her gender.

Get this: there is not a single diaper changing station on the entire campus. Perhaps this is simply an architectural oversight (due to a demographically uniform board?), or perhaps it was brought up in a meeting and dismissed because why would a baby be on campus and why would we spend money on it? 

Such conclusions assume the following:

1. Our student body is mostly men without childcare responsibilities
2. The handful of women who do attend don’t have kids
3. The even fewer female students who have kids can afford to pay for childcare or their children are grown or of schooling age
4. New moms should not be pursuing higher education because they should be at home raising their kids

As a new mom attending an evangelical seminary, I am aware of this particular disparity. Who knows how many others are present in regards to race, class, gender, theology, etc. 

We have created a culture where it is normative for white male students to only engage with other white male students and professors, and somehow be entrusted to lead congregations comprised of women, men, mothers, fathers, children, youth of all sorts of economic, racial, and cultural backgrounds. 

This is dangerous. 

As discouraging as these first few weeks have been with bringing Junia to campus, I was encouraged by my professor/mentor to keep doing it. Not only will Junia grow up watching her mom step into her pastoral gifting, but we will also be a model to my peers that motherhood is compatible with pastoral ministry. 

So now when I sit in the student lounge with Junia rolling and babbling, I will seek to feel pride rather than shame. Pride that I am paving the way for my daughter to feel welcome in a place of theological learning and formation. And I will seek to feel empowered rather than weak. Empowered because I am living into my call to be a mother and a pastor, and empowered because my male peers will see us and be forced to wrestle through the reality of our presence in “their institution.”

So yes, it is hard to be a new mom at an evangelical seminary, but it’s not that hard to install a couple diaper changing stations in the women's and men's restrooms. 

When Roads Divide

My Facebook memories reminded me today of a final project I created for one of my classes a couple years ago that focused on the formation of the federal highway system and its role in racial and economic segregation our cities.

At the time I was five months pregnant, so I thought it would be fun to create a children's book to introduce my daughter to the systemic realities of racism and poverty that have shaped our cities while telling a short (and overly-simplistic) story of a woman who stood up for the people in her neighborhood.

Anthony Foxx, the former US Secretary of Transportation, said, "The values of the 1950s are still embedded in our built environment and prejudices. The notions of who's in and who's out are still a part of the built environment, and we can do something about it." I am no expert on any of this, but it is a fascinating story and I learned so much from digging deeper into the history of our roads and highways.

And so, I have finally mustered up the courage to share this project with the world in hopes that you can learn something too!