I recently shared a personal essay I wrote as a means to vent my feelings of exclusion and loneliness. And it makes me really happy that this post is the positive resolution to that story.
That's right.
That is a picture of my daughter sitting on a diaper changing table IN THE SEMINARY BATHROOM.
I was so ecstatic the day they were installed that I brought my daughter with me to school for the sole purpose of changing her diaper– and if you can't tell, her shirt says "Never underestimate the power of women and girls."
You might notice the age difference between my daughter in this post and the previous post. That's because it took a really long time to make this happen, so let me tell you the story...
In the Fall of 2017 I wrote my personal essay thinking that was it. I'll just complain about it and not try to change it.
Or so I thought.
The next morning I woke up feeling empowered to do something. After all, it's not that hard to install a couple diaper changing tables. Plus I've seen other parents with young children on campus, and I'm sure they were feeling the same way!
So I started talking to professors and staff in Student Life, asking what it would look like to have some installed and what it would take to make it happen. They all said the same thing, "Oh yeah, that's super easy! I'll just send a message to so-and-so (someone in the higher-ups) and see if we can make this happen."
But then a semester passed by and nothing happened.
Note: They were all super helpful and supportive of the idea but I found out later the idea got lost in the shuffle of things as it was not a high priority to the seminary.
By this time I was a part of the founding leadership team of a seminary-initiated student group for women in the Mdiv program. Two other women and I were tasked with creating a community that not only supports and encourages Mdiv women at the seminary but that also empowers them to live their calling. I raised my concern with them and they were fully supportive of the idea, but we were not in a place to tackle this issue as we were still forming our vision and presence on campus.
So once again I hit a dead end.
I fell into a bout of discouragement and self-pity. I mean, it shouldn't be this hard to install some diaper changing tables! I guess I'll just be mad at the way things are and give up trying.
But then I realized...these were no ordinary diaper changing tables, they were a symbol of culture change and adaptation to a long-established institution. Yikes. By asking for these simple plastic structures, I was really asking the seminary to shift their entire way of thinking.
This campus will no longer be focused solely on a predominately male student population with little (if any) child responsibilities. Instead it will be a campus focused on men, women, and children.
Families will be welcomed.
Breast-feeding mothers will be welcomed.
Loud toddlers with poopy diapers will be welcomed.
This, I realized, was a radical notion.
So I shifted my plan of attack. As luck would have it (or perhaps as God ordained it) an incredibly brilliant and influential woman stepped into the position of Provost at the seminary and she invited our Mdiv women's group to meet with her. It was a huge honor, and I was hardcore fan-girling on the inside.
We were given a chance to honestly share our experiences as she asked us, "What is it like to be a woman at this seminary?" It was extraordinary. We all felt known, heard, and validated.
I shared my experiences with my daughter on campus and how the lack of diaper changing tables made both of us feel unwelcome. She was shocked to hear that there were no provisions on campus for breastfeeding mothers or families with young children.
And guess what? She made it happen. She recognized the importance of this symbol for our community and prioritized it.
She not only had two tables installed in the student center bathrooms, she turned the men's and women's bathrooms into family bathrooms! Now anyone is welcome to use these bathrooms. How incredible is that?
I later sent her an email thanking her for her influence and leadership on campus saying,
"I now have an ebeneezer of sorts to show my daughter as she grows up that she can make a difference no matter the cultural and social structures in place, and that women and girls are welcome in institutions dedicated to training and equipping the leaders of the Church."
It was a wild ride, but this experience taught me that all institutions and cultures can change, even if it's baby steps at a time and requires endless pestering.
So to those who feel like they do not belong and to those who see necessary changes that must be made for inclusion, do not lose heart. A bathroom renovation is more than a bathroom renovation, it is a symbol of hope.
What is the diaper changing table in your community?
What is the thing that needs to be changed or brought in so that others may feel included?
